Nanda Wanninayaka – Sunday, August 11, 2024 |
Double Pockets: – Welcome to Pelawatte Palace, Mr. Multipockets. I ordered you to make an audience with me to… … …
Multipockets: – No, Mr. Double Pockets. You are not the Supreme Leader of Sri Lanka. At least not yet, thank God! (Crossing himself in the Christian way) And even though this building looks palatial, this is not one. This is your party headquarters built with your unsuspecting cadres’ hat collections, the monies “donated” by those all-innocent diasporic crowd, and the ransoms extorted from the commercial establishments through your so-called “National” Center for Trade Union Actions. If you continue this way, you will have the biggest political party headquarters in the world by even surpassing the BJP’s new headquarters on Deen Dayal Upadhyay Marg in New Delhi, I am sure.
Also, as per treating yourself as the Supreme Leader, don’t take Facebook so seriously, only real idiots like you and I trust Facebook in this country. The average voter doesn’t believe anything but their own instincts. This is why even though you see tens of thousands of people at your political rallies – most of them are the same crowd you cart to each venue with your party funds, anyway – you always end up with 3% when they count your votes. Don’t trust so-called opinion polls in Sri Lanka for they are done by biased, bankrupt professionals for a few bucks more through some hitherto not known nonsensical medical associations, etc., not by the institutions that are qualified to do that. Don’t take your own politburo seriously at all, for it is them that tore your party to shreds with their stupid decisions to expel that gem of a revolutionary who you posed to the foray as the presidential candidate in 1999, firebrand Propaganda Secretary who was the literal “bell” of your party, and finally good old Jolly Pockets who steered the party away from terrorism to democracy and let you wear… well, what you are wearing right now and keep smiling like a smiling assassin does. Don’t take those diasporic self-proclaimed “advisors” seriously either for it is them who destroyed Simple Pockets who won the presidential election with 6.9 million votes by misleading him with their stupid advice big time. Don’t take your over-enthusiastic village idiots at all, for it is those unleashed dogs that destroy your reputation if there is any left by now. ‘People’ have voting rights, not those morons alone.
So, you have to understand that you can’t order me to be here. I came to comply with your request. To be fair to you, I will only speak in your mother tongue and hereby promise you not to bring any sort of mathematics into our discussion because you are a physics graduate, aren’t you? They say mathematics is the language of physics, not politics, don’t they? Furthermore, I am not talking to Mr. Dirty Pockets, do I? He is the only one in Sri Lanka who understands maths, it seems. This is why he could make money even by reselling imported garbage which you prevented him from doing and bringing dollars to the country.
Double Pockets: – You know Multipockets, you talk too much. It is I and my predecessors, especially the Barbequed Pockets who speak lengthily like that, not you. You are supposed to listen to whatever nonsense we talk – well, we have been talking nonsense since 1971 and continuing… oh blimey, I shouldn’t have said that! I shouldn’t have said that!! – err… it is the ultimate truth we speak, not even our Almighty, Vladimir Lenin talks about the ultimate truth like we do. Just listen up!
Multipockets: – Don’t have high hopes, young(ish) man, you don’t have even a Galkatas 88/89 – your flagship improvised firearm – with you now. So, speak some sense or forget about people listening. The public has already taken you for a joke. It is your own reckless party members who omnipotently appear in your Thambuththegama, Dehiaththakandiya, and Thissamaharama meetings at the same time who will listen to you no matter what you rant on, not the general public. About long long long interviews… I can remember that extensive multipage interview Barbequed Pockets gave to Irida Lankadeepa when he thought he was about to topple the Foxy Pockets’ government in 1989. Don’t expect today’s papers or I will take you seriously to listen to your cowpat here.
Double Pockets: Seriously? I thought the whole country listens to me. That is what I am made to believe by my comrades.
Multipockets: Of course they do. Now that our beloved three stooges, Annesley, Berty, and Samuel are all gone, they don’t have an entertainer to make them ecstatic. So, they find you the best comedian since their demises. This is why the people listen to you. Sorry to have hurt your feelings though.
Double Pockets: Really??? Then I will call a meeting of the politburo and retake Mr. Phone Pockets to the party and ask him to write a good script for me to talk on. (Whispering) Don’t tell anyone. He is the only one who can write a script that gets the attention of the people. He was the only one whom the people listened to after the barbecueation of our beloved leader. But these fundamentalists in the party got rid of him and now the whole country takes me for a joke. He will be back, won’t he? It seems that he too has nowhere to go now.
Multipockets: – I wouldn’t have such hopes if I were you. Not even Mervyn the Moron would commit political suicide by joining you at this stage, Mr. What is your name? Er… … …
Double Pockets: (Angrily) A few weeks to the presidential election and you don’t remember even my name now, huh? I thought I was already the president of this wretched nation and I was going down the history as the greatest leader who salvaged the country from its present chaos and people will have my statues erected in every nook and corner of the country by toppling all those Senanayakes, Bandaranaikes, and well, would-be-Rajapaksa statues.
Multipockets: – You see, Mr. Double Pockets, I could have listened to you out of mere sympathy a little longer. But today’s script for my column would be the longest ever because I spoke to you, the good-for-nothing “revolutionary leader.” My foot!
It is a treat to talk to a leftist from the good old days but it was irritating to talk to someone so stupid as you who doesn’t understand Marxism, Leninism, Trotskyism, or any -ism for that matter. I hope I won’t have to talk to you for the next 4.5 billion years, the total remaining lifetime of the Planet Earth!
